Archive for weather

Aug
20

Sonny Outside

Posted by: greg | Comments (0)
Someone took leave of their senses at Channel 4 back in the day, and I’d love to know who it was.

Sonny Eliot owned Detroit weather TV in the 1960s and ’70s. He was the first of the goofy weathermen—the kind who just as soon tell a corn pone joke as they would give you the day’s temp and humidity.

Eliot wove his groaners and homespun wit into his weathercasts seamlessly. His delivery was like a silver ball in a pinball machine on warp drive, bouncing and ricocheting off each town’s current condition frenetically. Every couple of minutes Sonny would come up for air and tell us a joke.

“It’s 42 degrees today in Manchester, where a man made a killing in the stock market—he murdered his broker.”

Sonny also combined the day’s weather into one nonsensical word.

“Today it was cloudy and breezy—cleezy kind of weather,” Eliot would say as he wrote the new word vertically down the map of Michigan—in chalk. Sonny was still a chalk guy when the other blow-drieds in town began opting for fancy-shmancy electronic gizmos.

But one day, someone in the upper management of Channel 4 decided it would further Sonny’s shtick if he did the weather outside, on the roof of the station’s headquarters downtown.

Naturally, this decision occurred in the wintertime.

So there was Sonny, in a topcoat, jamming his chalk hand into his coat pocket to keep it warm between writing down the temps on the Michigan map. His nose was red and you could see his breath.

Why we had to see Sonny Eliot perform outside is a mystery that I’m afraid will never be solved.

It was needless and added nothing to the weather segments. If anything, it took away.

Reminds me of what someone once said about France.

“Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion.”

The Sonny Outside Experiment didn’t last long, thankfully. They put the poor guy indoors before long.


Eliot doing his thing; note the word “clilly” on the map
 

In his heyday on Detroit’s airwaves, Sonny Eliot did the TV weather on channel 2—and then channel 4—at 6 and 11 Mondays thru Fridays, hosted “At the Zoo with Sonny Eliot” on Saturdays, and did weather updates on WWJ radio during the weekdays. He continued the WWJ segments twice a day for years after retiring from TV.

Not bad for a former fighter pilot during WWII.

But the Eliot/outside thing unfortunately portended the future.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING—short of a presidential assassination attempt, heaven forbid—gets TV news teams more excited than stormy weather.

They love the tornadoes and blizzards and lightning and high winds. They even love just the threat of all that stuff. Mention that there might be some rough weather coming our way and the TV news management people’s eyes light up and their salivary glands start working overtime.

Cue the poor slob doing his stand-up report amid 50 mph winds and sleet. Break out the satellite maps. Start conducting man-on-the-street pieces, asking painfully stupid questions.

Look, weather is important. I don’t mean to suggest that it isn’t. Anything that literally affects every human being, one way or another, is relevant.

But TV news people treat daunting weather as if they, well, enjoy daunting weather. Let’s just say that when a severe thunderstorm is on its way, it’s not only the winds that get stiff.

I’m an adult and I’m smart enough to know when the weather is getting bad. I don’t need to see a news correspondent standing in the thick of it, his or her eyes barely able to stay open for all the snow, dust and debris in them, to get the picture.

At least the folks at channel 4 had the sense to bring Sonny Eliot back inside before the weather got too inclement.

Categories : Enotes, Television, weather
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Oct
27

The Fall of the Autumn Empire

Posted by: greg | Comments (0)
I’m about ready to put autumn on a milk carton.

“HAVE YOU SEEN ME?”

You remember autumn, don’t you? Fall? That once-lovely season wedged between summer and winter, like a crutch that we know can’t possibly last but we’re happy to use it as long as we can, anyway.

Fall—with its once-crisp, sunny days and crunchy leaves beneath your feet, the subtle smell of someone burning them, not too far away.

Fall—when you get into your car after it’s been under the sun and turn on the A/C, only to have to turn the heat on the next morning when you hop in.

What’s all this about global warming?

And who is the bloody Brit who moved here and brought his weather along with him?

Or maybe the invader came from our left flank, from Seattle. Maybe a Starbucks wonk?

Regardless, this is the worst fall on record in Michigan, nudging out last year’s, which surpassed the year’s prior to that.

In fact, where have any of our seasons gone? We used to have four of them in this state, you know. And they used to be dilineated. Now, they sort of run into each other. The only discernible one is winter, that Old Man who can’t help but be the snow white elephant in the room.

Back in the day, I loathed the end of summer, but I was happy to see it followed by fall—and not just because of football. Mostly I liked the crispness—those days with highs in the 60s and lows in the upper-40s. Sunshine and blue sky for as far as you can see. The air was intoxicating.

Football, yes, but also cider mills and caramel apples and the brilliant colors.


Remember THIS?

Raking, I wasn’t so fond of, but now we live in Madison Heights and they just let you dump the leaves into the street, a foot or so away from the curb. Funny how Warren wasn’t able to purchase any of those leaf-sucking gizmos. Huh.

But today?

The sun shows itself around these parts as if it’s just passing through, always with somewhere else to go. It teases us but then looks at its watch and says, “Sorry, gotta run!” and its dorky, dreary companion babysits us.

This thing of overcast skies, seemingly constant dampness and tiny windows inside which you’re allowed to clear your lawn of leaves is getting old and we’re not even out of October yet.

I don’t know what’s happened to autumn but this ain’t what I remember from even four, five years ago.

And it’s following a summer that wasn’t really anything to write home about, either—though I didn’t miss the 90 degree days all that much. Still, too much rain. To me.

And while you’re at it, let me know if you see spring. I miss it, as well. But that’s a whole other rant.

I’m not unreasonable here. I know there’s going to be some rain during fall. I know the sun can’t be out all the time. But the amount of time we spend drenched in sunshine seems to be dwindling every autumn, while the hours where squinting isn’t required are starting to pile up.

Just call us London West. Or Seattle East.

Rain keeps dripping into my cup of cider and it’s making me cranky.

Categories : Enotes, society, weather
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